New Song to live My life

Jason Mraz's song "Details in the Fabric" had wonderful lyrics:
Hold your own, know you name, go your own way-
Everything will be fine-
hearts will hold..

Everything will always be fine-
Deal with it, take the jump-

These are bits and pieces of the song that really made me feel it's relevance in my life right now. Sometimes you have to just take the leap of faith and pray and hope it all works out in the end.

I love the rain...

I heart Fall , not only is it the season where you can see the leaves change color, it's also a time of abundant rain, bringing forth a new sense of monotony and hibernation. Fall weather makes me appreciate so many things like Chai tea, throw blankets, and horror movies! It's been awhile since I've seen a good horror movie on a rainy day. I truly wanted to stay in today, but my schedule calls me to see an art show with my roommate Caitlin, and yummy Korean BBQ dinner with a friend.
Rainy weather has always brought me a feeling of peace. Ever since I was a child, my birthday always had rain attached to it. It would always make me so distraught, because as a child, you want to have sunny outdoor birthday parties- I on the other hand, had minds primarily indoors. My dad finally realized how upset I was one particular birthday, and he sat me down, and told me a Vietnamese luck myth. He told me that in Viet Nam whenever it rains on a special occasion, it means luck and prosperity will come your way. Since Viet Nam's agriculture relied heavily on good amounts of rainfall for the crops, rain meant larger crops, a better harvest, more money for food and other supplies once the crops were sold. So when there is a full day of rain, this story comes back to me.
So if you are driving in the rain, especially in Atlanta, where people don't know how to drive, and traffic gets backed up, take a moment and think, thank goodness for rain- no more droughts and somewhere a farmer is smiling!

Brain needs More Ram..Confabulations

I would like to think I have a really good memory, but unfortunately, my friend Tran has pointed out that my memory of events when I lived in Seattle has been slowly vanishing with time. Unlike me, Tran keeps tickets of events she's been to, postcards that friends have sent her, and she collects them in the box she calls "junk". I used to have a keepsake box, but after moving around, I decided to go without a keepsake box, and at times I would end up throwing away postcards sent to me. Don't get me wrong, I am sentimental, but I don't believe you need to keep everything to preserve a memory of events that was meaningful. But today's conversation with Tran, has made me question my memory and my ability to preserve things nowadays. It might have to do with the inability to retain information for school let alone memories that occurred 6 years ago. I believe that our mind is a tricky thing, that sometimes forgoes the old to make room for the new, since humans are not yet sophisticated enough to figure out how to use our entire brain to it's full potential.
It bring me to times when I need to retrace my steps when I have forgotten something. When we recall a memory, our mind will automatically "flesh out" the recollection by inventing details of the event, based on previous similar experiences. This process is largely unconscious We are not generally aware of it happening. The mind can add new components to the memory that are unrelated to the original event. Even more interestingly, these distortions will later re-enter our memory. I have always found it so fascinating. Man's reality is his mind's own creation, a memory is not recorded, but at times re-edited.
What is my point? It's good to take photos, it's good to keep a journal, because memory alone will not do justice.

PDA..and not the Personal Digital Assistant Kind..

So a bunch of my friends and I went out for a late night snack at Holeman and Finch in ATL, GA, since our attempts at watching the Presidential Debates was a snooze. H&F has the best 10pm burger in town, and alot of small plates of yummies. The drinks are made with care, the place is just an awesome small place to hangout. So Kit, Pam, Sean, and I were all hanging out, when in comes a man with a denim shirt and levis stone washed jeans, around his late 50's early 60's, with a gal that looked like she came out of the movie "Working Girls". She wore a black skirt suite from the 80's, with MY GOD black stalkings, another 80's faux pas, I am digressing, but I need to paint a visual for you folks! The bar was full they were standing and chatting and then my god, my poor eyes, he started sucking her face. Literally sucking her face, in a crowded bar, where folks were trying to eat and drink and have a good time. I got blank stares from my friend, as well as neighboring tables, all with the same thought of " WTF is wrong with this old dude, and his call girl?" Sounds mean I know, but let's be real here, the guy was like 60+ atleast, and his lady friend was I would say at most 40, in great shape, and looked like an 80's call girl. Their attempt at PDA was trashy, and should have been left for a seedy bar, or a couch at the old man's house, not at a classy fun speakeasy like H&F.
The couple eventually got a seat at the bar with a friend, and all the time they were sitting at the bar, the Gramps put his hands down this gal's skirt, and up her blouse, coming from the back- so of course their backs were turned to us, and we got this whole show for the entire night of our stay, a good 45 minutes of groping .."yeah thanks old man" . It was by most the most disturbing PDA ever, and call is ageism, but it was worse since the dude was 60+.
It created a good conversation, of us trying to guess what he did for a living,we already assumed she was a small town girl, using Gramps for all he had. Gramps we assumed was a Jewish lawyer or doctor who is going through his mid-life crisis, paying alimony, and his 3 kids college education. With what money Gramps had left, he was spending it Viagra and on his "lady friend", taking her out on the town, and sucking her face for all to see!
So what is my point? I appreciate affection, I find it heart-warming when I see people hold hands while enjoying each other's company. Nothing wrong with a little PDA, but please leave the sucking the face at home. We all don't need to see it, nor can my eyes and stomach hold such behavior in a place that we come to eat and drink. BE GRACIOUS TO THOSE AROUND YOU! LEAVE THE FACE SUCKING AT HOME..
(posted some pics from H&F, friend Sean tried taking pics of the "Hands down her pants"- but his Iphone has no flash..note to apple- make a small flash for moments like these!) All Photos Provided BY SEAN M.

Anthony Bourdain..the Man the Mission.. Trip to Laos

Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservation" is one of my all time favorite shows to curl up with at night. His travels make me so envious, and his experiences and adventurous spirit with the people and the food customs he encounters amazes me. His travel to Laos, was one that really touched me. He visited a family, who opened their home to him. The father had lost an arm and a leg, and the family faced hard times making money, but they were still able to share what food they had with Tony.
Food to me is not the only way to keep a person alive, but it is a part of a culture, and a part of humanity, a way to expand beyond our borders, and reach out and connect with one another in a human level. I hope you enjoy every bite you take, and that food is shared with friends and love ones!

Friendship and Food

Today a friend and I were able to meet up for some yummy sushi, and enjoy each other's company. It's been awhile since we have met up, and the reason? Well we had some misunderstandings. Due to the stress of life, I and her, were not able to communicate and misunderstandings have occurred. It was as simple as a Gmail Chat, a "sorry I was acting ridiculous", and then next thing you know it, we were across the table eating some deliciously made sushi. My point is, that food and friendships are both very comforting to me. Both of these wonders bring me joy and a happiness that cannot be replaced. No matter where I am, and how far I am from my family, I am fortunate to have found some great people and some wonderful restaurants to not occupy my time, but to share it with great folks that have come to be apart of my life. The sushi at Haru Ichiban in Duluth, GA was delicious, and the folks there were all very nice. The place was cozy, and it created a great and fun environment. We enjoyed our food and each other's company. I have come to realize friendships are a gift, people will always have misunderstandings, no one is perfect, embrace your friends like how you saviour a great meal, a bite at a time.

YAY for Gas!

I never thought I would ever have to drive around "hunting" for gas. The gas crisis in ATL has been ongoing for about 3.5 weeks now, and it's been ridiculous. Today somehow I lucked out, didn't have to wait 45 minutes like some, only 15 minutes. The station was down the street from my house, and the price was 3.97. It's strange that 3.97 for unleaded has now become a bargain, I guess everything is relevant, plus you just have to accept it and go with it. Anyhow it's been quite a week, with the economy and the gas crisis here, that it put me in a state of "WHAT THE HELL"! Thursday's VP debates will surely add fuel to the flame!
I normally enjoy riding around town, never minded hopping in a car and meeting up with friends, but now with the whole gas situation, I feel bad for misusing my gas, feels like if I am not using it for a great purpose, I should just sit at home. Hope this whole Gas Crisis will Die Down!

Jesus I am 30

Thought this day would come but not so soon. I am somewhat apathetic at turning 30. It's kind of just a number, I would rather gage my happiness and celebrations in terms of family,friends, and accomplishments. What I imagined being 30 when I was younger is nothing like what my life it now. Am I disappointed? Not really, I just had imagined it differently. I had imagined being settle in my career, with a person who was compatible to me, setting on an adult journey in life as a couple..with the sprinkle of friends and family to occupy my time. At this point I am still single, though not bitter - but getting there.. J/K.
I guess for the most part I am just exploring all my options. Because by this time next year who knows where I will be!

Sometimes you just want some alone time

As of lately, I have been in great company, my good friend Adam has been a great pal, letting me hangout at his house on Fridays til the wheee hours watching Psych ..and just chilling. But today I am in my own room, watching Psych, and House. I love House, it's so smart..cause it's just real medicine.. the people are insanely smart, the diseases are real! and I am loving it..
Getting back.. I like it , time alone, tea, sitting watching tv..and just being alone. Alone time is important for the Soul, it is important for the self reflection.. or just time alone to do nothing. When you are boggled with time that is categorized by appointments, it's just wonderful to have time alone.. to have a cup of tea.. take time for yourself, make a cup of tea.. turn on the tv.. read a novel.. do what you like to do to relax and find your sanity.. because life... as fast as the week travels..it's a long journey ahead.. everyone needs a time alone.

Paths that Cross

In life, it seems like you choose your friends, but do you really? Are we destined to cross paths? What was once strangers in the same city.. we have come together.. through the oddness of the Internet, that is how I met a majority of my friends in Atlanta, they have been awesome, funny, kind folks, who may not have the same past or future as mine..but we share a common thread of happiness on drinking, eating, and just chilling. It's funny as we grow older, as we know who we are, or think we know what we want for ourselves.. it creates the ability, a magnetism, for us to draw to the one's that are "like" us. When they say "birds of a feather flock together" now I understand.. So if it happens that we cross paths, I just want you to know my smile is genuine...and my wine glass is always half full!

High Gas Prices leads to People Stealing GAS!!!

So I read an article on how one neighborhood in the Bay area got hit.. thieves came- they didn't break into any one's house.. they were syphoning gas out of people's tanks.. How pathetic is that? With high gas prices.. the economy going into shambles, and the high cost of living in the bay area has left people desperate to survive. Maybe that's my naive way of relating to thieves? A desperate attempt to survive.. who needs a 9-5 job, why not just chill and steal when you need right? Let's not get me started on how it should mandatory to have a Job in my ideal world, and how reforms such as Police and security should be partially paid for by the government to secure a task force, but man power should be a volunteer requirement for every community members per month, I bet you at this, crime would be down. but wait..getting back on topic.
Those who cannot afford it are now resulting in what used to be an unheard crime. People are stealing gases right out of other's cars. Do they end up using it or selling it on the black gas markets. This terrifies me. The world isn't getting any prettier, peace is not even on our horizon. Why the hell do people want to have kids and bring them into this confusing and monopolizing world is beyond me. The older I get, and inching towards the thought of the inability and risks of having kids later in life- it comes to make sense not to have any. I mean with my great looks, awesome genetics..the world would be losing out I know..but still I have to be less selfish and realize bringing a kid into this world would only be detrimental to them later in life. They would just be another pawn in this crazy world, a work horse, feeding into the high cost of living- I'll spare my unborn spawn this terrible fate..

Music Brings Back Memories..

So here I am ..back in California.. back in the hometown I pretty much grew up in , MILPITAS !! Well when I was younger.. my good old teen years and college years, I collected quite a great collection of CDs.. so I decided to use iTunes to update my ipod. Unfortunately being the old fogey I am, I had to update my ipod programs, losing the music files I had on it. I am not bummed at all, now I can add all the music from my past.. and make my ipod a little time capsule of alot of my past. R.E.M. and Live ,reminds me of my 1st boyfriend..we used to spend endless hours listening to the cd, hanging out in his garage converted bedroom. Sarah McLaughlin reminds me of my good friend in college, when we used to light candles and lay on the couch listening to Fallen, as we fall asleep.. hesistating to study. It's been along time since then, but these songs can bring back the memories like a DVD player in my mind. Music is like all of our senses, brings us back in time- a simpler time, a happier time, a sad time- but all times that are in your memory- just waiting to be uploaded and reminisced.

Back to Cali.. here I come

It's time to get back to Cali..to enjoy some family time and to get some summer clothes for the crazy Atlanta warm summers. I am excited beyond comprehension, and a little blown away that I have been away from home for more then 5 months now, it feels so less then that. Part of me is afraid that if I leave ATL now, I might not want to go back. The comforts of home cannot deny, and seeing my parents will make returning to ATL so much harder. I cannot wait to eat home cook meals, and to be in a huge house that is clean, where the fridge is always partly empty, and grocery , well I don't need to do it. NO matter how old you are, when you are home, you are a child again, in the loving, comforts of the womb of your parents. Call it an only child syndrome, but I miss it so much. I might cry when I leave and have to come back to the south, alone on my jet plane.. but I know that there will ALWAYS be home in California.. back in the arms of my loving and supportive parents. Again this passage makes me feel lonely more then ever.. I hope this chosen journey will bear fruits of abundance and comforts - but for now, I travel a semi-lonely path.
Studying has become the enemy, the schedule is not my friend, but a constant reminder of the dwindling long days ahead of me. But this week will end on a happy and exciting note.. I am leaving on a Jet Plane.. going back to wear I belong again.. I am leaving on a Jet Plane, to go back to a place I feel at home again..

Bothered..

I am a bit bothered.. Maybe it's the fact in a couple of months I am turning 30..or the fact I am transplanted to this sad little city of loneliness.. I have been a little unhappy lately, and I don't know why.. The stress of school has alot to do with it, and then focusing my energy elsewhere, compiles to the stress. I need to take life one step at a time a friend told me. Sam is a wise man. I sometimes wish I could redo everything in my life. Not that I regret things, it's just it would be nice to redo some stuff, have a different journey or path in life that wasn't so lonely and hard.
I was hoping to be at a solid place by now, to know where I will be, where I am heading.. I guess the only thing I can do is stay focused.. Focus is needed for this profession, tough out the loneliness, tough out the boredom... eventually I will get there.
I spoke to my other good friend James, and he reminded me that everyone gets lonely, and at least I am working towards a solid career, and things will eventually line up itself for me. But when will my eventually come? I don't think I should hold my breath...

Self Absorbed..

Is it that most of us don't care about what is happening in the world? Or are we just so overwhelmed by the vast amount of struggles that we cannot envision making a difference? Doing what needs to be done to help mankind does not mean you take the weight of the world, and then proceed to make all changes necessary. It's not changing the world, but the little things you do for yourself, your family, friends, and people that are around you. If everyone were to just wake up and realize that what we do everyday impacts someone or something in the near future, we would all be in a better place. If you live in a world, feeling worthless, and that your actions don't count.. you become ignorant, and self absorbed in the "love me, live for me,what I do only takes care of what is of my value-" and in an essence, this causes so much more damage then one can imagine.
I like to think that if everyone did what they were suppose to, if every person spent their time, and money wisely.. if everyone took time to know the politics of their government- we would all be in a better place.. it's like a collective soul, a collective strength that needs to be bound by a common thread of humanity, it's that simple people. In this century, we are no longer bound by boundaries.. the only thing that holds us back, is our ability to stretch beyond our own consuming thoughts.

Natural Disasters..

" The quake was China's deadliest since 1976, when 240,000 people were killed in the city of Tangshan, near Beijing in 1976. Financial analysts said the quake would have only a limited impact on the country's booming economy."
The 7.9 magnitude earthquake that occurred yesterday has now accounted for up to 12,000 people dead in Sichuan Province.. the number are unnerving, and the news media coverage is heartbreaking.
You know that saying when you are stressed out and all caught up in your own troubles, take a minute and look around you, and just feel blessed? That's what I did yesterday. I am no more different or special then that college student who died yesterday amidst the gravels. I was just lucky enough to be in a different place. Are we all predisposed to a future that is not our choosing? That's a scary question, a question if answered "yes" makes people not accountable for anything they do..even more scary, it makes me unmotivated, since you don't have the feeling you are the captain of your own destiny.
Personally I think we contribute our own actions to where we are economically and socially to a certain point.. but once that thresh hold is met, the people you meet, the place you live in, all equates to your life as you know it.
But I am digressing- what caught my attention, throughout the article they were talking about the human impact, on who has survived, and how survivors are coping.. and at the end they put a damn sentence mentioning the economical outcome that will play after this tragedy for this country. They might as well have written, oh but the Olympics is still on ! It's so faux-pas.