I am a bit bothered.. Maybe it's the fact in a couple of months I am turning 30..or the fact I am transplanted to this sad little city of loneliness.. I have been a little unhappy lately, and I don't know why.. The stress of school has alot to do with it, and then focusing my energy elsewhere, compiles to the stress. I need to take life one step at a time a friend told me. Sam is a wise man. I sometimes wish I could redo everything in my life. Not that I regret things, it's just it would be nice to redo some stuff, have a different journey or path in life that wasn't so lonely and hard.
I was hoping to be at a solid place by now, to know where I will be, where I am heading.. I guess the only thing I can do is stay focused.. Focus is needed for this profession, tough out the loneliness, tough out the boredom... eventually I will get there.
I spoke to my other good friend James, and he reminded me that everyone gets lonely, and at least I am working towards a solid career, and things will eventually line up itself for me. But when will my eventually come? I don't think I should hold my breath...
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Self Absorbed..
Is it that most of us don't care about what is happening in the world? Or are we just so overwhelmed by the vast amount of struggles that we cannot envision making a difference? Doing what needs to be done to help mankind does not mean you take the weight of the world, and then proceed to make all changes necessary. It's not changing the world, but the little things you do for yourself, your family, friends, and people that are around you. If everyone were to just wake up and realize that what we do everyday impacts someone or something in the near future, we would all be in a better place. If you live in a world, feeling worthless, and that your actions don't count.. you become ignorant, and self absorbed in the "love me, live for me,what I do only takes care of what is of my value-" and in an essence, this causes so much more damage then one can imagine.
I like to think that if everyone did what they were suppose to, if every person spent their time, and money wisely.. if everyone took time to know the politics of their government- we would all be in a better place.. it's like a collective soul, a collective strength that needs to be bound by a common thread of humanity, it's that simple people. In this century, we are no longer bound by boundaries.. the only thing that holds us back, is our ability to stretch beyond our own consuming thoughts.
I like to think that if everyone did what they were suppose to, if every person spent their time, and money wisely.. if everyone took time to know the politics of their government- we would all be in a better place.. it's like a collective soul, a collective strength that needs to be bound by a common thread of humanity, it's that simple people. In this century, we are no longer bound by boundaries.. the only thing that holds us back, is our ability to stretch beyond our own consuming thoughts.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Natural Disasters..
" The quake was China's deadliest since 1976, when 240,000 people were killed in the city of Tangshan, near Beijing in 1976. Financial analysts said the quake would have only a limited impact on the country's booming economy."
The 7.9 magnitude earthquake that occurred yesterday has now accounted for up to 12,000 people dead in Sichuan Province.. the number are unnerving, and the news media coverage is heartbreaking.
You know that saying when you are stressed out and all caught up in your own troubles, take a minute and look around you, and just feel blessed? That's what I did yesterday. I am no more different or special then that college student who died yesterday amidst the gravels. I was just lucky enough to be in a different place. Are we all predisposed to a future that is not our choosing? That's a scary question, a question if answered "yes" makes people not accountable for anything they do..even more scary, it makes me unmotivated, since you don't have the feeling you are the captain of your own destiny.
Personally I think we contribute our own actions to where we are economically and socially to a certain point.. but once that thresh hold is met, the people you meet, the place you live in, all equates to your life as you know it.
But I am digressing- what caught my attention, throughout the article they were talking about the human impact, on who has survived, and how survivors are coping.. and at the end they put a damn sentence mentioning the economical outcome that will play after this tragedy for this country. They might as well have written, oh but the Olympics is still on ! It's so faux-pas.
The 7.9 magnitude earthquake that occurred yesterday has now accounted for up to 12,000 people dead in Sichuan Province.. the number are unnerving, and the news media coverage is heartbreaking.
You know that saying when you are stressed out and all caught up in your own troubles, take a minute and look around you, and just feel blessed? That's what I did yesterday. I am no more different or special then that college student who died yesterday amidst the gravels. I was just lucky enough to be in a different place. Are we all predisposed to a future that is not our choosing? That's a scary question, a question if answered "yes" makes people not accountable for anything they do..even more scary, it makes me unmotivated, since you don't have the feeling you are the captain of your own destiny.
Personally I think we contribute our own actions to where we are economically and socially to a certain point.. but once that thresh hold is met, the people you meet, the place you live in, all equates to your life as you know it.
But I am digressing- what caught my attention, throughout the article they were talking about the human impact, on who has survived, and how survivors are coping.. and at the end they put a damn sentence mentioning the economical outcome that will play after this tragedy for this country. They might as well have written, oh but the Olympics is still on ! It's so faux-pas.
Monday, May 12, 2008
PS I love U...
Ahhh boy.. this was a MAJOR tear jerker.. I wanted to grab the tissue box and just mope around the house afterwards.. the whole concept of the movie is definitely heart wrenching..
The premise of the movie is having your bestfriend as your lover, everything you have at the moment you take for granted from this person, you fight over silly things, important adult things, but at the end- when you lose the one you love, all the things you fought about, it all seems so small and silly..
What makes this movie stand out compared to the other romantic comedies is Holly doesn't end up with another man, but that she is content at where she is at. She relives memories, and at the end finds herself again.. finds the girl who met the boy in Ireland.. that hopeful college girl that felt like she could accomplish and do anything..
The best gift that Holly received for her 30th Birthday from her late husband, is in a sense self discovery.
There's alot of points in the movie that makes it a good movie to me:
1) ALOT of self-pity ( you need this in a romantic comedy) she locks herself up at home does not
answer the phone and her place is messy full of take-out boxes. classic
2) Jealousy.. only natural when you are a widow, feeling lonely, and then yourfriends are pregno,
and newly engaged
3)Self-reflection.. of course you have have to have this.. going full circle, recognizing your Id/Ego
4)Being open to the prospect of love but knowing it takes time and eventually one day it can happen again.
The premise of the movie is having your bestfriend as your lover, everything you have at the moment you take for granted from this person, you fight over silly things, important adult things, but at the end- when you lose the one you love, all the things you fought about, it all seems so small and silly..
What makes this movie stand out compared to the other romantic comedies is Holly doesn't end up with another man, but that she is content at where she is at. She relives memories, and at the end finds herself again.. finds the girl who met the boy in Ireland.. that hopeful college girl that felt like she could accomplish and do anything..
The best gift that Holly received for her 30th Birthday from her late husband, is in a sense self discovery.
There's alot of points in the movie that makes it a good movie to me:
1) ALOT of self-pity ( you need this in a romantic comedy) she locks herself up at home does not
answer the phone and her place is messy full of take-out boxes. classic
2) Jealousy.. only natural when you are a widow, feeling lonely, and then yourfriends are pregno,
and newly engaged
3)Self-reflection.. of course you have have to have this.. going full circle, recognizing your Id/Ego
4)Being open to the prospect of love but knowing it takes time and eventually one day it can happen again.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
My Knees ache My heart Breaks...
Ahh.. sometimes a song lyric parallel's how you feel at the moment.. not that my heart is breaking but my knees are aching, burning, and itchy. Sounds a tad gross, but I scraped my knees good while attempting to play Ulimate Frisbee. The burning sensation is pretty intense, it kept me up a little while before I could fall asleep.
Everything looks very easy when you are on the sidelines watching.. but the reality is, you run like mad, and you have to stay focus, and keep an eye on your "man". The object of the game is pretty similar to Football or soccer, but with a Frisbee.
From the sidelines, I kept thinking, it's doable, it's not too intense.. well the last ending, they allowed me to give it a try, and boy was my ass whipped. This buff, soccer chic, who looked petite from the sidelines, was mad fast on the field, and there was no way I can run at her speed, she was wide open to catch the Frisbee and score..
The cool art of the sport is liability of being honest..there's no referee. I guess the whole philosophy of the game is to have fun , and show good sportsmanship.. but really.. isn't the whole point of being in a team is to beat another teams ass?
Maybe that's was why I never caught onto the whole sports league band wagon when I was younger. Competition always gave me an erie uneasy feeling, I like to think the only person you should compete with is yourself. But then how fun is it to be a one man team?
Everything looks very easy when you are on the sidelines watching.. but the reality is, you run like mad, and you have to stay focus, and keep an eye on your "man". The object of the game is pretty similar to Football or soccer, but with a Frisbee.
From the sidelines, I kept thinking, it's doable, it's not too intense.. well the last ending, they allowed me to give it a try, and boy was my ass whipped. This buff, soccer chic, who looked petite from the sidelines, was mad fast on the field, and there was no way I can run at her speed, she was wide open to catch the Frisbee and score..
The cool art of the sport is liability of being honest..there's no referee. I guess the whole philosophy of the game is to have fun , and show good sportsmanship.. but really.. isn't the whole point of being in a team is to beat another teams ass?
Maybe that's was why I never caught onto the whole sports league band wagon when I was younger. Competition always gave me an erie uneasy feeling, I like to think the only person you should compete with is yourself. But then how fun is it to be a one man team?
My Sisters Room
So here I am on another adventure.. and where does it take me? To a lesbian night club, where the chicks look like dudes, and some look really cute, too cute to be lesbians.. not that I am checking them out, but I can appreciate a pretty gal with cute clothes.
I was in East Atl, and I had a blast.. We started out at Flat Iron and then ended up at Graveyard with Caitlin's friend's from Tennessee.. The Southern Boys with accents sound so cute, and one in particular caught my interest.. he was pretty funny in a geeky way, which makes my smile. In general I love it when people make me smile, especially geeky boys.
The night ended pretty early at 130am, and Caitlin and I ended up at a fun club, to our surprise it was all girls, dancing up a storm.. no men to bother you, uninhibited, swaying to the beat of the music.. having fun being yourself, and just dancing.. I like it.. you don't have to care about your hair, or if you are dancing correctly, you move how you feel, and you sweat off the calories you drank.. and you just have fun with your friends...in this case with Caitlin, my ultra cool ass roommate.
Some girls tried to get into the groove with us, which I don't mind at all.. hey I know what I like, I am secure with my sexuality, in all case, I enjoy dancing and I don't care who it is with.
It's funny the place is called My sister's room.. it gives it a naughty and promiscuous undertone.. something that should be shielded and hidden from society.. I wish it was called fairy's for fun.. something whimsical, a place that makes you want to shake your ass without feeling ashamed..
I was in East Atl, and I had a blast.. We started out at Flat Iron and then ended up at Graveyard with Caitlin's friend's from Tennessee.. The Southern Boys with accents sound so cute, and one in particular caught my interest.. he was pretty funny in a geeky way, which makes my smile. In general I love it when people make me smile, especially geeky boys.
The night ended pretty early at 130am, and Caitlin and I ended up at a fun club, to our surprise it was all girls, dancing up a storm.. no men to bother you, uninhibited, swaying to the beat of the music.. having fun being yourself, and just dancing.. I like it.. you don't have to care about your hair, or if you are dancing correctly, you move how you feel, and you sweat off the calories you drank.. and you just have fun with your friends...in this case with Caitlin, my ultra cool ass roommate.
Some girls tried to get into the groove with us, which I don't mind at all.. hey I know what I like, I am secure with my sexuality, in all case, I enjoy dancing and I don't care who it is with.
It's funny the place is called My sister's room.. it gives it a naughty and promiscuous undertone.. something that should be shielded and hidden from society.. I wish it was called fairy's for fun.. something whimsical, a place that makes you want to shake your ass without feeling ashamed..
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